In this week’s Parsha, we are told of the forty-two travels
of Klal Yisroel as they wandered in the wilderness. Several meforshim
point out a discrepancy between the name of one of the resting
points given here, in Parshas Mas’ei, and the name given
for the same stop in Parshas Beha’alosicha. In the final
pasuk in Beha’alosicha, we are told that Klal Yisroel traveled
from Chazteiros and rested in the Dessert of Paran. However,
in our sedra we are told that they traveled from Chatzeiros and
encamped in Risma [33:18]. Rashi explains to us that the Torah
gave the name Risma to that place of encampment because that
was the place where the meraglim, the spies, spoke their Loshon
Hora, slanderous speech, about the land of Israel. The word “risma” comes
from a pasuk in Tehillim that likens slanderous speech to resamim,
a particular type of burning coal.[1] Unlike most coals that
glow on the outside when they are still hot and capable burning
and causing damage, this particular coal can look extinguished
from the outside while still retaining its destructive fire hidden
inside of it.[2] So too Loshon Hora can look innocuous and harmless
at first glance. But this is just a façade – its
true destructive nature is merely hidden, waiting to be unleashed.
Especially during this time of year, the time of Bein Hametzarim – a
time for focusing our efforts on rectifying the sins that caused
the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash – it is appropriate
to devote this week’s Parsha Encounters to a discussion
of the laws of Loshon Hora.
Isn’t it Common Knowledge?
We will examine an often sited dispensation for the saying of
Loshon Hora. Many times it is erroneously assumed that Loshon
Hora that is already known is permissible to repeat. It is true
that if someone spoke Loshon Hora about another person in a “public” setting,
there are times when repeating that Loshon Hora will not be a
violation of the halacha. However, there are many details and
criteria that must be met for this to be permissible. While we
will discuss the laws that pertain to this, it is vital to point
at first that due to the complexity of the parameters that govern
this exception, one should exercise great caution before relying
on this.[3] When possible, one should abstain altogether from
speaking even if all the criteria below are met.[4]
The Halachic Background
The general rule this Parsha Encounters will discuss relates
to the permissibility to repeat Loshon Hora that was originally
said in front of at least three people. This concept is known
as Loshon Hora that was said “bi’apei tlosa,” in
front of three. The underlying concept is that since the original
Loshon Hora was related in such a way that makes it inevitable
that it will be publicized,[5] there is no prohibition in repeating
it to another. We can assume that the person now hearing it would
have heard it anyway.
There are two categories of parameters that must be met to permit
repeating Loshon Hora of this sort:
1 - The way in which the original Loshon Hora was said
2 - The way in which the Loshon Hora is later repeated to others
The Way in Which the Original Loshon Hora was Said
The original Loshon Hora had to have been said in front of three
people. The original speaker of this Loshon Hora is unquestionably
in violation of the prohibition against speaking Loshon Hora,
and his sin is intensified and compounded by the fact that he
spoke this in front of more people.[6] There is no dispensation
whatsoever to speak Loshon Hora in front of three people. The
laws discussed below pertain only to the repetition of the Loshon
Hora already spoken in flagrant violation of the halacha.
There are three parameters that must be met regarding the situation
in which the Loshon Hora was said to the original three people:
1 - Three people had to have heard the Loshon Hora.
Even if two people spoke the same Loshon Hora to two other people,
in each other’s presence, this does not constitute the
dispensation of apei tlaso.[7] There must be three people independent
of any of the speakers of this Loshon Hora for this rule to apply.
2 - The three people hearing the original Loshon Hora are the
type of people who would repeat this information to others.
Because this dispensation “relies” on the fact that
the original three listeners to the Loshon Hora will spread this
around, if there is any reason for us to believe that they will
not in fact repeat this, there is no longer any dispensation.[8]
If there were only three listeners in the original group, if
even one of the three would not repeat the Loshon Hora, then
it is not permissible for any of them to repeat it. There are
several examples of people who we must assume would not repeat
the Loshon Hora:
1 - Family members of the one whom the Loshon Hora is being
spoken about.
2 - Friends of the one whom the Loshon Hora is being spoken
about.
3 - Generally G-d fearing people for whom it is not the norm
to spread gossip.
If even one of the three listeners is from one of the groups
above, it is not permissible for any of the others to repeat
the Loshon Hora. If, however, the original group was more than
three people, even if family or friends were present, as long
as there are three listeners who would feasibly repeat what they
had heard (i.e. the other listeners are not in the above categories),
this dispensation would still apply.
3 - The original speaker of the Loshon Hora did not specify
to the three listeners that he did not want this Loshon Hora
repeated.
If the original speaker of the Loshon Hora explained to the
listeners that he did not want his gossip to be repeated to others,
even if the listeners under other circumstances would be the
type to repeat what they had heard, because he asked them not
to repeat it, we must assume that they will heed his wish. We
therefore can no longer rely on the assumption that three people
will be spreading this Loshon Hora. Therefore, it is not permissible
for any of them to do so.[9]
The Way in Which the Loshon Hora is Repeated by the Listeners
Once three people have heard Loshon Hora spoken regarding another
person, under certain circumstances it will be permissible for
them to repeat what they had heard. However, under no circumstances
are they permitted to believe what they heard – what was
spoken was pure Loshon Hora and is fully subject to the prohibition
of believing Loshon Hora.[10]
There are five parameters that must be met regarding how and
where they repeat this Loshon Hora:
1 - It is not permissible to repeat this Loshon Hora with the
intent to spread the word further. It is only permissible to
mention in a “derech mikreh” fashion.[11]
This would include mentioning this Loshon Hora as an anecdote
as it pertains to a topic being discussed or using it to illustrate
a point.[12] However, to simply repeat what was heard for the
sake of informing others who have not yet heard this Loshon Hora
is forbidden and not subject to this dispensation.
2 - It is only permissible for the original three listeners
to repeat what they had heard.[13]
Someone who merely heard this Loshon Hora from one of the original
three is not included in this dispensation. Only the original
three who actually heard the Loshon Hora being said can repeat
it.[14] If the original listener, however, repeated the Loshon
Hora in front of another three people, they now have the status
of three that heard Loshon Hora. Subject to the rules discussed
here and above, they would now also have the heter of apei tlosa.
3 - It is not permissible to add even one word to the original
Loshon Hora that was said.
Since the entire premise of apei tlosa is based on the idea
that this Loshon Hora will inevitably be spread, this can only
be the case if the exact Loshon Hora is repeated as heard. If
even one word is added, this becomes new Loshon Hora and is therefore
not subject to this dispensation. There are several applications
of this rule:
Any intonation or gesturing that was not part of the originally
spoken Loshon Hora is prohibited.
Any commentary offered on the part of the one repeating the
Loshon Hora is prohibited.
Repeating the Loshon Hora in a context where there is an implication
of negativity that was not part of the original statement made.[15]
In addition, by one adding his own commentary or “spin” on
the original Loshon Hora, he is clearly indicating that he has
accepted the original Loshon Hora and believes it.[16]
4 - It is only permissible to repeat the Loshon Hora somewhere
that this information could feasibly spread.
If the original Loshon Hora was said in a certain town or location,
one may not repeat it in a different locale that does not normally
hear the news and gossip from the town where the Loshon Hora
was spoken.[17] In our times where it is the norm for people
from all around the world to talk with each other, it is difficult
to give this rule strictly geographical limitations. Rather,
the Loshon Hora can only be repeated to people that the original
three listeners have a line of communication with and can readily
assume the word will spread to.[18]
An exception to this rule is when the matter being discussed
is of a nature that it is normal for it to spread beyond geographical
or social boundaries. If the original Loshon Hora pertained to
something so out of the ordinary or so egregious, it is considered
to be the norm for it spread more than “ordinary” gossip
would spread.[19] In such a case the dispensation of apei tlosa
would extend its reach farther than usual.
5 - If the new listener is the type of person who will believe
the Loshon Hora to be true, it is not permissible to repeat it.
As mentioned above, it is not permissible for the original three
listeners to believe what they heard. What was spoken was true
Loshon Hora and is therefore subject to the prohibition of believing
Lashon Hora. Therefore it is not permissible for them to repeat
this Loshon Hora – even if all the above parameters are
met – if they are saying it in the presence of someone
who will believe it to be true.[20]
Some Practical Applications of the Rules
1 - Discussing someone’s past. Reuvain discussed in front
of three people the fact that Shimon used to not be so religious,
and that he even violated major halachic laws like Shabbos and
Kashrus. Now Shimon is a model Jew and devotes his life completely
to the service of Hashem. It is forbidden for the listener to
mention in a negative way the information divulged by Reuvain
to anyone who knows Shimon.[21] Even though none of this information
is pertinent to his life now and the speaker is merely stating
the facts that he heard, the fact that this speaker is indicating
that he finds this information to detract from Shimon’s
otherwise sterling character, this may cause others who hear
it to look differently at Shimon. This is considered to be “adding
something” not originally stated by Reuvain, as the current
speaker’s opinion regarding this information comes through
in his relaying of the facts.[22]
2 - Discussing a class or lecture. Even though a lecture was
heard by many people, it is not permissible to say anything negative
about the class to anyone. The fact that three people were present
for the class does not help. Since comments regarding a lecture
are subjective and depend on how the attendee felt about the
content and delivery, we have no guarantee that there were others
there that shared the exact same opinion as the one who now wishes
to discuss the lecture in a negative way. We therefore have no
right to assume that exactly what this listener is saying about
the class is being spread by others as well.[23]
To merely repeat what the speaker had said is permissible. However,
to add any commentary regarding what the listener thought about
what was said (in a negative way) or to bring it up in a context
that will highlight something negative about the lecture or the
lecturer is not permissible.
The same parameters apply to discussing songs found on Jewish
music albums, music bands that play at affairs or other forms
of entertainment or artwork or the like.
3 – Repeating something discussed at a family gathering.
If Reuvain happened to be with a different family and heard them
discussing sensitive family information, even though he heard
this said to more than three people, it would not be permissible
to repeat it. It can not be assumed that the others present would
spread this information around.
Rabbi Rosenstein is a full time member of the Kollel and a frequent
contributor to Halacha Encounters.
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[1] Tehillim 120:3
[2] See Sha’arei Aharon
[3] Sefer Chofetz Chaim 2:10
[4] 2:10 and Be’er Mayim Chaim 1-2
[5] Bava Basra 39a
[6] 2:1
[7] 2:8:19. Perhaps those who originally spoke the Loshon Hora
will afterwards regret what they have done and resolve to never
repeat this Loshon Hora again. If that were to happen, there
would only be two people (the two who heard the Loshon Hora)
who would be spreading this, and not the requisite three.
[8] 2:5
[9] 2:7-8 Even if it becomes clear that one – or even
two – of the other listeners did not heed the request of
the original speaker and they are in fact repeating what he asked
them not to, it is nonetheless forbidden for the third listener
to repeat to others what he heard.
[10] 2:9
[11] 2:3
[12] BMC 2:6-7
[13] 2:4
[14] BMC 2:9 Even if when relating this Loshon Hora, one of
the original three states clearly that he had originally heard
this said in front of two other people (i.e. he explains that
this Loshon hora is subject to the heter of apei tlosa), it is
still not permissible for the person who heard it from him to
repeat. The reason, the Chofetz Chaim explains, is that an eid
echad is not believed under such circumstances where there is
ischazeik isurah.
[15] See Sefer Chelkas Binyomin 2:9:17 who explains that this
is what the Chofetz Chaim is referring to in 2:9.
[16] 2:9
[17] 2:6
[18] Chelkas Binyomin 2:6:14 and Nesiv Chaim 2:6:11
[19] BMC 2:6:14
[20] 2:10
[21] 2:9
[22] Chelkas Binyomin 2:9:17
[23] 2:12
Rabbi
Lederer is a Rebbe in Yishavas Tiferes Tzvi and learns in the
Mechanchim Night Kollel.
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